The Misunderstood Truths of a Tomboy

Confidence is key. Many guys say that girls have it easy when it comes to dating, but maybe they just never understood that it’s easier for some girls and quite difficult for others. Similar to nice guys, there are also the long forgotten nice girls. When I was younger, the girls would talk about the guys in class and the guys would talk about the girls they had feelings for. While the girls were talking about the guys, I was always with the guys, listening to how they felt about the girls. I eventually ended up becoming the “messenger”. Yes, in class, I was the medium of several childhood crushes, listening to how the guy felt, soothed their worries, gave them advice and heard them out. What’s interesting, for the most part, that while I was giving advice for the guy to go all in and ask her out, I was secretly having a crush of my own with them.

Can you imagine how much that hurt? Because I was the social outcast and because I felt I didn’t stand a chance, I figured the best way to spend quality time with the person that I developed my own childhood feelings for was to link him to the girl he had feelings for. Those feelings turned into an acceptance that maybe one day someone could fall for me if my personality was good enough and see beyond how I look. It was that bad. Every year all the way into high school, I watched every girl with valentine hearts and private messages passed back and forth. I thought to myself how much I wished someone liked me the way they did and I kept thinking what was wrong with me.  In the end, I never told any single one of them how I felt. I was the girl that was good enough to be a messenger, but not good enough to develop feelings for.

For many years, I’ve tried to be one of those girls that have it ‘easier’. The girl whose super feminine, throws on makeup, is quite fashionable, and always looks amazing. It was also in part to my first love and five year relationship that I was constantly asked why can’t I be more like the girls that he knows? I could remember it as clear as day, that the guy that I loved would tell me day in and day out, “Why can’t you look like that?”… “If you lose weight in your thighs and your hips, then you’d be perfect”… “Why don’t you try on a pair of heels” It led to so many insecurities that I wish I could never remember. For a while, it impacted me to the point I became someone I wasn’t.  It wasn’t until after a series of events that occurred that I realized and thought to myself how much none of this was me. For many girls, I’m sure this rings true. One day, after a party, you look at yourself in the mirror, decked out in tons of makeup and a short, skimpy dress, and you want to cry and fall apart. In your mind, while looking at the mirror, you find yourself screaming, “What am I doing? How did I get here? What am I doing to myself? NONE OF THIS IS ME.” All this time and it never dawned on you that the person you’ve become is what society expected or desired, but now who you are. What you are and what you can’t help being, is what many people call a ‘tomboy’.

Not all stories surmise to this one, but over many years, I’ve learned it’s better not to be swayed by societal norms, if those norms aren’t who you are.  I prefer comfort, I prefer not to wear makeup, I love to play sports and I love the outdoors. No, I do not know the latest fashion or the latest gossips, nor am I up to date with social media and I do not watch TV, for the most part. I do love spending time with my guy friends because we have similar interests and I feel like I can be myself around them, which most people would not understand. I have nothing against girls, I have amazing girlfriends that are also tomboys, but get me a lot better than the majority of women out there. Tomboys are not the type of girls that understand these games nor do they understand their feelings. One thing that should ring true is that if there is anything tomboys aren’t confident in, it’s facing their feelings outside their comfort zone that they are used to when surrounding themselves among other guys.  Guys are not the only ones who can become awkward and shy away from girls, but rather, girls can act the same way around guys.

If girls only understood that, most of them wouldn’t end up feeling threatened by tomboys. No girls, tomboys do not get all the attention for the reasons you may think. They just know how to carry on a casual conversation that the guys can relate with, so stop hating. There is absolutely nothing to hate about. If anything, a tomboy becomes a guy’s best friend, but she is not the one that gets the guy. She is just one of them. If anything, she’s encouraging the guy to go after you. Tomboys give up their feelings all too easily to pave way for girls like you despite how they feel about the guy themselves. Quite often, they think another girl would be suitable for the one they care for rather than themselves. It’s almost self-sacrificing.

I like comfortable clothes; I don’t care about looking good for anyone except myself. I would never sacrifice my comfort just to look good (kudos to all girls who can though!) or wear makeup routinely just to break out in pimples, I’m not going to pretend I’m interested in things when I’m not. No, I do not shop for clothes, bags, or shoes often. I hang out with my guy friends and it’s purely platonic. Nothing more, nothing less. That is what defines who I am. I am a tomboy and I’m not afraid to say it.

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