Confessions of a Female INTJ

Many people believe that the MBTI is often equated with horoscopes or an accurate predictor of the kind of person you will become in the future. A Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is simply a system that categorizes you according to the input you feed it. It isn’t a horoscope or an instrument used to predict the future, but rather, it allows a person to understand how you define yourself. With that said, there are 16 categories of personality types. I just so happen to fall under INTJ, which is considered the rarest personality type for women and second rarest for men. INTJ women comprise .8% of the entire female population, whereas for men, they comprise 2% of the entire male population. INTJ stands for (I)ntroverted, I(N)tuitive, (T)hinking, (J)udging. In an MBTI, there are only two categories per letter: introvert versus extrovert, intuitive versus sensing, thinking versus feeling, judging versus prospecting. To explain what this means further, there are websites that dive into detail about these categories. If you do not know your type, you can always take a free test at

An INTJ is often known as the ‘mastermind’ or the ‘scientist’. INTJs are often individuals who live in their minds, they seek out reason, and are very literal/blunt people. They are known to be classified as ‘book smart’ because they are always exploring different fields and wanting to learn everything they can get their hands on. To INTJs, the world is an open book with open-ended opportunities. In essence, we are curious about anything and everything that surrounds us; the world is our oyster and this is what makes us tick. This may seem like it’s an amazing trait, but it’s not. There’s an Achilles heel with every INTJ. Because INTJs are normally 10 steps ahead and hone in on their intuitive nature, they only state their conclusions concerning the matter. This leaves most people confused because INTJs can be simply lazy. To them, things make perfect sense, but when it comes to explaining how they came up to that conclusion, they try not to put too much energy into explaining it. In other words, they expect people to just ‘know’. The other terrible thing about being INTJ is that they are not good at expressing their feelings. In fact, they are the least romantic of all MBTI types. Being that both females and males experience that alike, I feel for a women to have difficulty with this respect spells disaster. With men, it is often expected for them to not be able to convey their feelings, but for women, communicating and being able to express their feelings is often the norm. We definitely see things differently, trying to make the irrational appear rational. The difficulty is that because we cannot make sense of our own feelings, we end up hurting other people in the process. In turn, we also hurt ourselves. We cannot handle things that do not make sense, and instead, we would rather let go of the things we cannot explain. Perhaps it could be fear, perhaps it could just be a factor of things that led to this conclusion. Either way, being monogomous with an INTJ female is quite difficult. You really need to know her and understand the implications of her actions. It’s very confusing and rather intricate. Often when misunderstood, INTJs become passive when accused for being cold-hearted, in fact, so much so that they believe to just go with what the other person blind-sightedly says.

INTJs do not understand what flirting is, most pick-up lines or endearing gestures fly over their head. Simply put, they are inept at understanding feelings. Often enough, when being put in a position where we do start to develop feelings, we are unsure what to do with them. It is not in our nature to do so. INTJs are often told that they are aloof and cold, but that isn’t the case. It could be that they are very sensitive and believe that feelings could deter our ability to stay under control with things. INTJs do not like to be out of control or let their emotions get out of hand which is why they may avoid trying to follow through with commitments. Instead of connecting on emotional level, they connect with others on an intellectual level because emotions may interfere with their thought processes. They tend to then divert their thoughts toward their feelings and that takes up most of their energy. They would rather direct these emotions to something that is rewarding, something that is not as uncertain and unpredictable. Perhaps that is why many INTJs are known to have an avoidant type personality where they do not like to get too close in general to people.

I’ve recently started to understand this more being that most of my friends are acquaintances. I only let people get so close to me and then I back away. I guess I’ve always had an avoidant personality. It may seem like dropping the person wouldn’t hurt an INTJ, but it really does, INTJs are deeply sensitive and that is why feelings are often difficult to handle. The reason we become hot and cold is because we run away from the feelings once the feelings are outside of our comfort zone or it becomes more difficult to control. One point we are starting to grow interest in a person, the next moment we are letting them go. Why? Not because we don’t have feelings for the person, but because we have feelings that we want to keep in check. It hurts because I want to feel those feelings and keep going with things, but at the same time, I don’t want my feelings to overtake my life. How do you explain that to someone? Better yet, as an INTJ, do we even want to? We try to the best of our ability and of course, end up hurting a person in the process. It would be hard for the other person to understand that you are hurting too because you are voluntarily choosing to end your feelings. If someone told me they didn’t want to work things out, I think I would be able to understand better and accept it, but because I am voluntarily deciding to let go of these feelings, it leaves room to question things, which makes things difficult for the curious minded. As a result of our actions, the other person may be hurt and start calling you names, screaming at you, and putting you down. Because of this, we end up closing up altogether in our shells and end up not explaining anything further. After all, now that the person believes what they do, sometimes it’s best to let them be. Explaining things will only make it more difficult. Maybe there will be someone who understands us one day. Good luck, fellow INTJs 🙂

Until next time.



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